I’m sure you heard of the “one finger point at them, but three are point at you” concept, right? And I’m sure if your thumb was positioned differently, it would be pointing at you too. We can become experts at analyzing other people, but struggle analyzing ourselves, and social media has made it easier to finger-point without the proverbial three fingers point back. I’m here to tell you that self-judgement is a crucial step in self-awareness. The word “judgement” usually comes with a stigma. When you think “judgement” you think chastisement. The very word makes people defensive. Don’t look at judgement as a courtroom decision. Judging should be used as a helping tool to improve lives. If you’re not making someone’s life better in the process of judging, then you may need a crash course on HOW to judge properly. Remember when I said “If all of your exes are dogs or low-life scums, then perhaps it’s time to examine the common denominator (you). If you find yourself constantly removing toxic people from your life, then it’s time to examine your relationship picking skills.” in part 1? Well before I expound on it, let me tell you about a situation that happened in my household last year:
My precious pre-teen son, who is “innocent” at “all times,” and enjoys doing choirs “without being asked” to do them, had a memory lapse one day and “accidentally” had a messy room. If you missed my sarcasm, please reread the previous sentence and pay attention to the quotations (lol). I walked in his room and only saw a slither of carpet for me to walk on. The other 75% of the carpet was covered with dirty clothes. It was a Monday, which is important to note because by Tuesday, I found myself telling him to clean his room for the twelfth time. I was so upset that I yelled at him and accused him of being lazy. (Clearly not a “Dad of The Year” moment). As I left his room, I can hear him crying a bit, but I didn’t care…until I walked in my room and saw a pile of dirty clothes on the floor, spilling out on my side of the closet. It was right then and there I realized that I needed to lead by example. I had heard the saying:
“If you talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk.” – Jimmy Johnson
Now, I’m sure Jimmy Johnson didn’t come up with that phrase, but I remember him saying it first, and as much as I loathe the Dallas Cowboys, I remembered that potent quote from him. (Sidebar: Congratulations on being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, Jimmy). Anywho, I realized in that moment that I had to go back into my son’s room and apologize to him. Not only did I apologize to him, I told him that we are in this together and we will both clean our rooms.
That story is important because I had to readjust my judgement. Mind you, I didn’t say that I shouldn’t judge, but in my judgement, I had to make sure that my affairs were in order. I had to judge myself first, then judge him accordingly. For those who reference the Bible, it speaks about it in Matthew 7:1-2 about judging others. In so many words, if you judge harshly, expect that same energy, my guy! Note: It does not say “Only God Can Judge Me.” That was Tupac, not scriptures. The aforementioned scriptures, in context, was discussing the PROPER way to judge.
Ahh…but what about James 4:12 that says “There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?”
In context, James was talking to the believers (Jewish tribes) who became obsessed with judging people. It was more of a “stop speaking evil (gossiping) and criticizing people” type of thing. Accountability, done in love, is still necessary. That’s why it is important to judge other by first judging yourself, being a living example, and holding people you care about accountable for their actions via love. I’ll say it again, checking yourself before judging others is a crucial step in self-awareness.
Ladies, all men are NOT trash. Men, all women are NOT hoes. Social media, everyone is NOT toxic. Generalization is the laziest form of judgement and it removes the need to check yourself. If you keep getting flat tires, you need to analyze your tire treads, not say “all roads are trash.” Make sure your tires are in great condition before ranting to your local officials about road conditions.
In part 3 of this series, I will explain HOW to take self inventory the right way. Stay tuned.